Raise a glass to Art

My Dad passed away tonight.  I knew the end was near, but I didn't think today was the day.  It came so quick.  We went in with a little Easter dinner for him to find his room being cleaned up.  His aid took us down to ICU where he was in the midst of being coded.  The doctor came out to talk to us and we told her he had a DNR in place so they stopped and let him go.  About the time he started coding we had been talking about how we hoped he would go quickly and his heart would just give out on him.  It's been so hard to see him waste away and be so helpless.  He must have told me a dozen times how he hated being in the hospital and being so weak and dependent.  Though I wouldn't have wanted him to suffer any more than he already has, I didn't expect it to be today.  I guess you never so.  So please raise a glass to Art, one of the best human beings to ever have walked this earth.

Ahah!

I had a couple of "ahah"'s tonight while talking to Cynthia over dinner. She asked me why I wasn't doing my blog every day like I'd planned. I told her that although I try to do something every night that I enjoy, be it reading, puzzles, building my model, etc. I've found it very difficult to come up with things I can do with excellence every day. The thought occurred to me though that perhaps I'm defining "doing something with excellence" too narrowly.
I noted that one of the things that I have a gift for and love to do is have positive interactions with people. I told her about my trip to ACE hardware on Saturday because the boy at the checkout forgot to put one of my items in the bag. When I went up to him to tell him what happened, he told me he was sure he did put it in the bag. I didn't feel upset though. It was obvious to me that he was young and fairly new at the job so I just explained to him that when I got home and emptied the bags, the item wasn't there. I checked both bags and my car in case it fell out but with no luck. So he asked one of the more senior folks there what to do. This guy told me that yes, it must not have made it in the bag because he found one lying on the counter and put it back. Mystery solved. So I left my item at the counter and went to pick out a few more things I'd forgotten. When I went to ring up, the more senior kid helped me. The credit card wouldn't process and the register just seemed to hang. So I just started cracking jokes about going to the restroom, getting a cup of coffee, taking a nap and hopefully it'd be processed by the time I got back. By this time I had the senior manager there to help, and everyone laughing. We tried it again on another register with the same result, moved to a third register where I said I'd pay cash and then invited folks to lay down odds of having to go to the fourth register. By the time we were done, they were all in great humor and so appreciative of my attitude that I felt like I had 4 new best friends and several other customers as admirers.
I know that my humor and attitude likely changed their whole day. I didn't think of this as doing something with excellence. It's something I take for granted as a gift of mine with people. I love to make people smile and laugh with them. Cynthia noted that as I was telling her the story I got all lit up. Perhaps doing something with excellence means something akin to using my particular gifts and talents to their best advantage. Maybe it means being more myself in the world and less a victim of circumstance. Maybe happiness comes from being true to who you really are every day and letting your gifts out into the world where they can do the most good, make the biggest difference, or shine the brightest. Perhaps it's as simple as that and I've just been making it too complicated.
If that's true, than I've done things with excellence on a regular basis. On Monday at work, I had a meeting with an auditor who had audited one of the groups I support. He had quite a few concerns as the group didn't measure up to standards for our internal processes. Typically this leads to wrangling with the group to do even a half-hearted effort to make a show of improvement towards where they ought to be. Knowing that visible executive commitment is a cornerstone to continual improvement and process adherence, I contact the group VP to give him an informal heads up and strongly suggest he get involved. The results were remarkable. Within hours, the audit team had all sorts of cooperation and commitment to improvement. Why is this unique you may ask? Because most people don't want to rock the boat or go too high in the food chain to deliver bad news. I on the other hand, believe in open and honest communication with people no matter what their position is. Position doesn't mean much to me in terms of rank. Everyone in the company has their role to perform and has the titles and pay grade to match. A Vp's role is to ensure the successful operation and delivery of his/her business. Mine is to ensure that we do that in a way that allows us to maintain our certifications to industry standards. How is the VP supposed to ensure the success of his group if I don't let him know the information he needs to know to make the appropriate decisions for his business? It's not a rank issue. It's being a good team player and helping out your teammates, the team being Cisco. My ability to interact with people this way is what allows for the type of response and engagement I get from them. Things don't go the way they typically go because I have an ability to relate to people at all levels of the organization and appreciate the role they play. Continuing with the theme I descibed earlier, this too is excellence. It's also nothing more than acting consistent with who I am as a person and consistent with my beliefs and values. Imagine that.

I'd love to hear your stories of excellence...

Gettin Stuff Done

So I think I've changed my focus a bit to "gettin stuff done" and "doin' stuff I like". I pulled out a model airplane that I started about 10 years ago. It's been sitting in a box in my closet since. I painted the parts but never assembled it. For the past several nights I've been assembling it step by step. It's a very cool project that requires patience and the willingness to do a little bit every night til I get it all together. It feels great to start completing something that has been sitting there saying "some day" to me for so long.
I also took apart and cleaned my binoculars. I got swamped by a wave that I didn't expect to reach me last weekend. My binoculars got flooded and full of sand. I like fixing things myself. I don't need to throw them out and get a new pair or pay someone an arm and a leg to fix them for me. It's like polishing silver - a little effort gives you a lovely shiny finish and a real sense of accomplishment. ;-)
I got an awesome deal on a used canoe today. It's in great shape and came with a nearly new 5-speed motor, life jackets, paddles, a deep cell marine battery and foam seats. What a steal!! Now we can go out on the water ourselves to get great bird and wildlife shots. Reminds me of canoeing with dad when we were young. I find that very comforting and I'm really looking forward to it!

Conflicted

So here's my issue - I have all these things pulling at me that need to get done to alleviate the primary stressors in my life. If I get them done, it's a huge load off my shoulders. However, getting them done is a slow tedious process and I don't feel okay doing things I love to do when I could be doing the things I need to do to get the stress off me. So I'm not doing the things I love to do because I feel obligated to do the things I have to do. What do I do?

Gettin' a Few Things Done

So my little sick kitty is back to her old self now. Whew! I hate it when they don't feel well or they get hurt. I also love the way she wants to spend more time with us now that she feels better because we spent so much time with her taking care of her when she was sick.
I was so tired this afternoon that it was hard to focus It seems that night time is when I have the most energy. So I made the most of it tonight. I painted in the kitchen where the wall needed to be touched up. I got my plastic tarps put away that were sitting in a heap in the garage. And I got the satellite TV cable run through the walls between Cynthia's office, Jenna's bedroom and my office. Boy was that a pain! I thought it would be a quick job, but nooooo. I have to say though, it's nice not to have the cable running down the hallway anymore ;-)
Yesterday I put up my sword rack, rehung my grandfather's banjo and got all but one of my pictures hung back up in the office. It's become a nice cozy little den. Still need to get all my books back on the bookshelf. That'll be a job for tomorrow night or Saturday though.
I finished another book today. I bought a CD from someone off Ebay of 105 top classic books for the Kindle. I've decided that I want to read all of them before I buy another book. So far I've read Uncle Tom's Cabin and Journey to the Center of the Earth. Many of these I read in high school or college, but it's been so long that I'm actually looking forward to reading them again just for pleasure ;-) Next up is Through the Looking Glass. I haven't read that since I was a kid. Looking forward to it. ;-)

Sick Kitty

While I did go to the beach again yesterday to photograph, read, and spend time with my honey [:-)], I've spent most of the past two days worried sick about my little kitty, Megan. Usually she's very active, playful and a little beggar. But yesterday and today she was hiding out, not eating, not drinking, and not letting any of us get near her. I knew she had to go to the vet, but I couldn't catch her and I didn't want to terrorize her. I finally got her from the neighbor's back yard this afternoon and got her to the vet. She had a 105 deg temp and was dehydrated. $422 later (yikes!!) she was hydrated, pilled, injected, and on her way home. We stayed in my office with her tonight watching TV and she's now nearly back to her old self. Let's hope her checkup tomorrow morning confirms that. Whew!
As for the office, it's back to being functional and quite warm and cozy, even without the decorations up yet or power cords organized and hidden. Over the week I expect I'll have it exactly to my liking. Yay! I even managed to build a small monitor stand and a laptop cooler and stain them both cherry to match the other items in my office. Now my monitor is at the right height, my laptop is clean and it's stopped overheating! I must say, I'm quite proud of myself :-)

Painting Day!

I painted my office today and it looks great! All done, trim and all so tomorrow we can play. I figure I can put it all back together over the next several nights, no rush. I think that's a first for me. I usually have to keep driving myself til it's done and I'm exhausted. I like this intentional stuff!

Limoncello

Tonight I made limoncello for the first time.  I have a lemon tree in my backyard that has an abundance of ripe lemons on it now.  I thought I might deplete my supply in making the limoncello, but the fact is I hardly made a dent in what's out there and now I have a quart of lemon juice to freeze into ice cubes for later use and a hefty supply of Everclear soaking in lemon rinds for the next several weeks.  I can't wait to see how it comes out! :-)
I haven't posted in a few days. Bein' a real slacker ;-) It was a really good weekend. We went to the beach both days. We haven't done any day trips in a while. It was really nice to get back out there. I wasn't planning to out again on Sunday, and in the past I probably would have stayed home to do the things I felt I had to do - finances, housecleaning, etc. Instead I felt like I could just let go, be spontaneous and take another trip to the beach. During our travels on Sunday, I also spent my birthday money from dad. I got a planer from a guy in Aptos and a belt sander from a guy in Cupertino and I managed to do a little networking along the way. It was a very good day!! During the week I've been able to spend my evenings doing the things I had planned to do on Sunday. I was also able to knock off several deliverables at work that have been waiting for my time and attention. I have this notion that the more I let go, the more control I have over my life. Not only does it seem like I get more done, but I do more than I had planned, specifically not stuff work or chore related. Hmmmmm.... there's definitely something to this.

A Great Day!

Here's my insight for the day - the more I do that I want to do and that I intend to do the more time I have to do the things I want. It seems very odd but today it seemed like I had the time to do everything that I wanted to. I got done all the things I needed to get done at work, I met with friends for coffee, I finished putting together the pieces for my shadow boxes, and I actually pulled my guitar out to play for the first time in months. I even spent some time watching a few episodes of my favorite TV show. Wow! Who'da thunk? I think I might have to do a recap at the end of the month of the key insights I've had so I can continue to monitor whether or not they continue to show up during my experiment. Geez, I actually may be on to something here ;-) It's becoming very clear to me though that I really don't know just what the results of this experiment are going to be. It is going to be an eye opener in ways that I didn't expect. This is most intriguing!!

Ouch!

OK, so now I remember why I stopped doing woodworking. ;-)  My tendonitis has flared up incredibly and I spent Tuesday in bed because my back hurt so badly.  I did work on my shadowboxes more today though only for about an hour.  Then we watched a very bizzarre movie "The Merry Gentleman" with Michael Keaton.
Again I noticed today that I don't feel obsessive about doing projects or reading now that I purposely devote time to it every day.  I have no trouble setting aside what I'm doing to attend to something else.  I didn't expect that out of this experiment.  It gives me a very definite sense of freedom that I didn't have before.  It's like being intentional about what I'm doing puts what I do completely back in my control.
Over the past few days I've been able to devote myself to completing several large deliverables and feeling like I did them well.  I didn't feel like I had to do them at the expense of something else I wanted to do either.  I was able to do both what I had to do for work and do things at home that I wanted to do.
Last night I spent the whole evening balancing my 2009 accounts in Quicken.  I have 2 more to do that will be exceptionally challenging, however the vast majority of my 2009 finances I have completely accounted for.  This is going to make doing my taxes so much easier and so much more complete.  Again, I feel like I've gained control somewhere that I didn't have it before.  While I was at it, I found a copy or Turbotax Personal & Business on ebid.com for less than $20.  That's over $50 cheaper than buying it through Amazon!!!  Score!!!!
My big insight for today is that by being intentional, I have control over not only what I do, but how I experience that as well as the quality of the outcome.  This is a very cool thing that I intend to explore further.

MLK Day

I've spent the past two days working on my Black Belt shadow boxes.  I've even made jigs for the side pieces to ensure not only ease in making them, but the ability to make exact replicas without mistakes.  I spent a lot of time on the set up, calibrating and creating a good work flow.  Having spent that time making the planning and setup perfect,  I feel that I can now put these together much more quickly and with a far higher degree of workmanship.  It's great to get back into creating things and doing my woodworking.:-)
Yesterday we spent a good share of the day having a family day.  We put together a fabulous brunch, eacxh making a different part.  Then we went to the Asian market and to pick up Bubble tea.  When we got home, Cynthia and Jenna made cookies, Jenna made a great Thai soup for dinner and I finished the dishes from brunch.  It was great to spend a day doing family stuff together.
It seems that getting enough sleep, eating better and taking vitamins and my meds make a big difference.  Gee, whoda thunk?

Woodworking - Yay!

I started woodworking again last night. I haven't done that in a long time. Quite frankly, my garage has been too much of a disaster to even get to my equipment ;-). I pulled out my old plans for making black belt shadow boxes and started making a prototype. I spent quite a bit of time calibrating my dovetail jig. After all the time I spent building it a few years ago, I've finally put it to good use! Now that I have all the adjustments made, I can make beautiful half-blind dovetails for my shadow boxes. I really like the look of them.
This is going to be a great 3-day weekend, I can tell! Doing both something I love AND something with excellence all in one shot. Woo-hoo! and I even got the laundry folded and put away ;-)
Cree turned me on to these all natural vitamins that she sells through her practice. I have to say, I think she's on to something because the last two days I've actually had energy. Wow!

January 15

Okay, so I was slackin the last 2 days. I admit it.  Here's my grand question- how do you motivate yourself to do something with excellence when ya just feel tired and crappy? I had plans to do certain things that I needed to get done, but I just didn't have the focus, concentration or energy to do them.  I did the things I had to do, well enough to get by and keep things going, but it was such an effort.  I keep thinking that doing something with excellence doesn't have to be a work something.  It could be a home something.  But I just couldn't find anything that I could get into and do with anything more the averageness (Yes, I just invented that word).  I did manage to make a bunch of calls and follow up on a few things that have been on my list for months.  It did feel good to be able to cross off a few things.  I also finished my puzzle and my book, though I have to say it'seasy for me to escape into puzzles or books.  They both take me away from the drudgery of every day stuff.
Tonight however, I did get a bunch of stuff done, put the xmas stuff away, cleaned up the garage, and began building a black belt shadow box for a friend of mine. I hope to get it finished tomorrow if I can.  We'll see.

Day 2

Today it was a bit harder to figure out what I was going to do for my experiment. I got a lot of stuff done at work today but I couldn't think of what I could do with excellence. The work I did was good, and it met the necessary deliverables, but it didn't feel like excellence. I was tired and feeling like I had more to do than I could manage. One thing really rung with me today though. I attended a virtual seminar about career building. One of the speakers was our CMO, Sue Bostrom. Great speaker. One thing that she said that really stuck with me though was that for every deliverable you have, hit it out of the park. Even if you don't like what you're doing, be known for your performance and what you deliver. So as I was making my way through all my stuff today, I kept thinking "just hit it out of the park", don't shoot for anything less. It may not have been excellence, but I feel like I got some good work done.
Tonight when I came home I wasn't sure what to do that would be something I loved to do either. It seems that the things I was thinking of were just routine. I like watching Criminal Minds, I like to read, I didn't feel like playing the guitar or singing or cooking. But then it occurred to me - reading is something I love to do, especially if it's a really good book. My wife bought me the latest book in the "Eye of the World" series. Brandon Sanderson is finishing Robert Jordan's series based on the notes and outline Jordan dictated before he died. This was the first fantasy fiction series I've read and it got me hooked on the genre. So I gave myself permission to sit down, read and enjoy. Then tonight I started a new puzzle. I got the entire border together. I love putting together puzzles but they've always seemed like indulging in free time that I should spend doing something else. I let it go and started a new puzzle tonight! and I didn't even feel consumed by it like I usually do. I don't know if this is a temporary side effect of the experiment or not, but right now, doing things I love intentionally seems to free from the compulsion to dive in deep to a pastime that takes me away from the drudgery of work and everyday life. I feel more in control. We'll see if it lasts... ;-)

Day 1 - Happy Birthday to me!!!

So today started day 1 of my transformation experiment.  I got a fine start this morning delving into the background research for my first meeting of the day, an issue of contention that needed to be resolved between 2 other parties.  Having done my homework completely, I felt I had every angle covered and was able to bring the situation to a successful understanding.  This is one of the things I do best and today I was at the top of my game.
For my birthday I was hashing back and forth on what I wanted to do - play a boardgame like Clue, go see a movie, play Wii bowling or watch something on TV.  None of it particularly called to me though I like doing all of those things.  What I did do was completely spontaneous.  I bought USDA prime steaks from Costco for dinner, a bottle of Trader Joe's reserve Cab, summer squash and red potatoes.  When I got home, Jenna insisted on making dinner for me.  I decided I wanted the setting to be superb so I brought out my mother's bone china, the crocheted lace tablecloth my grandmother made, my crystal candle sticks and the special hand blown wine glasses Cynthia and I bought on our first trip together 15 years ago.  If my birthday isn't a special occassion worthy of bringing out all our best, then what is? 
It was a beautiful dinner, cooked to perfection in the perfect setting.  We had a wonderful night of laughter, wonderful food and wine, beautiful music and a beautiful setting.  It could not have been more special or perfect in any restaurant.  Happy Birthday to me!

The Transformation Experiment

So tomorrow, actually about 45 minutes from now, will be my 42nd birthday. Like so many people my age, I've been wondering where the time has gone and what happened to all my grandiose dreams of where I would be by now. My life has become about making a living, trying to pay my bills, be a good citizen, shepard my kid into a life of her own that's meaningful, worthwhile and that makes her happy. My marriage, though solid as ever and stronger than most, has become routine for both of us. My job, while an excellent job with one of the world's best companies, is drudgery to me most of the time. It's what I do to make a living and support my family.

The past 15 years have been years of trial, pain, stress, and emotional distress mixed in with the occassional victory, celebration and accomplishment. I keep waiting for life to turn around and somehow get more good than bad, more happy than sad. Yet somehow that still eludes me.

I don't want to be one of those people who just makes their way through life, enduring as best as they can. For as much as my natural optimism has faded, I still believe deep down that life can be joyous and fulfilling if only I could find the key to unlock the door in me that leads me there.

And so came the idea for this blog. I call it the "Transformation Experiment". My theory is this:

Happiness is a self-induced state. I may not have the wherewithal to take on transforming my life by suddenly doing all the things that I love and all the things that I know will bring me good health, less stress and a more manageable life. However, I can challenge myself to do one thing every day that I truely enjoy and one thing every day that I feel is done with excellence. They don't have to be big things, earth shattering accomplishments, or revelations. They simply need to give me some honest enjoyment every day, and some true pride in what I do every day. My hypothesis is that if I do this every day for this entire calendar year, that by December 31, 2010, I will have transformed my life from one of subsisting, surving and coping, to one of joy, pride and health. The expected side effects of this transformation are relationships that feed my soul, eating habits that nourish my body and mind, and physical and mental health that I have not experienced in perhaps 2 decades.

Should anyone else read this and want to somehow support me in this endeavor, or perhaps be supported by this, that would be a true bonus. Wouldn't it be great if somehow, I could not only make a difference for myself, but for someone else as well along the way?

Here's hoping.